I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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