you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
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Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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