I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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