Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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