omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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