yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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