im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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