So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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