loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
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in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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