Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize