he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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