Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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