My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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