dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize