I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize