So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Vodka?
Forever.
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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