i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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