Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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