i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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