My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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