I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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