Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize