She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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