his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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