and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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