We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize