I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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