A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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