I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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