Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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