She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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