I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize