Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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