he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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