i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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