Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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