so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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