The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize