you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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