I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize