just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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