Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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