I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize