atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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