btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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