New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize