clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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