we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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