Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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Floor bacon is actually really good
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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