Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
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All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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